LP , " Some times it is difficult to know how to begin a story. Where to begin exactly. Especially if it is a true stroy. Especially if it is a sad story. Especially if your heart is heavy and full and breaking.That's what I am faced with today. I'm not sure how to begin. But begin I must.
I wanted to spare you. I had wanted to create a place where we could be in forgetfulness together, momentarily forgetful of the weighted things of life. I wanted to create a balance from a world that often seems disconnected from the purpose of goodness, beauty, compassion, friendship. A world often disconnected from a certain altruism of life . At times , a world headed toward a type of superficiality that I find destructive to the uniqeness of what the human spirit can be. I wanted to creatively share my love of animals and the purity of their spirit , and in turn to know that you loved your animals equally. And in that space of forgetfulness I wanted to create joy, lightness, a sense of wellbeing. But something dark crept in and now I am forced to share a loss with you. My friend Tracy said to me , " Thank you for letting me share your grief. It is just as profound and important as joy." I am unable to continue blogging, something that I look forward to doing daily, I look forward to YOU daily, without sharing this grief . I hope you feel the same way Tracy does.
Some time on Saturday, in the early morning of April 16th 2011 , Lewis died. Friday morning we heard him call out in the kitchen. He was sitting at his feeding station in a pool of urine.We took him to the vet's immediately. A blood panel was run on him, urine sample taken, X-rays were taken. He was put on an IV. The vet found him to be jaundiced and anemic. We were told he had the symptoms of rat poisoning. We were incredulous. We don't have rat poison. Period. Lewis is an indoor cat. What was happening?!! We were told to go home without him.That is was better to let him rest, be observed, kept on the IV. The vet would call us later in the afternoon to let us know the blood test results and we would go from there.
By 4:30 in the afternoon we still hadn't heard back from the lab.Out of our minds with worry by then, we went down to the vet's office anyway because we needed to be with Lewis. When we got there Lewis was so happy to see us. He purred as I have never heard him purr and we were able to tell him how much we loved him. When the tests finally came in we were told he had IMHA. Immune Mediated Hemolytic Anemia. It sounded innocent enough but it was a pernicious prognosis. We had never heard of this disease and were told that it is usually found in dogs.That it is rare and swift acting.That usually it is apparent an animal has it a week or so before a full out invasion sets in. We were told the fact that Lewis had not displayed any symptoms whatsoever until that morning, was not good. We started him on treatment right away. We were told the first three days would be most crucial. We stayed with Lewis at the clinic until they closed at 9 p.m. that night and then we reluctantly went home. We naively believed he would get better. That we had caught the "monster" in his body in time to forever rid him of it. We thought Lewis would be waiting for us in the morning ; feeling stronger. Lewis died during the night. Gone. Just like that.
I am beyond devastated. Lewis was a HUGE personality who followed me around my day like a loyal sentinel. He offered me a daily source of levity and joy. He was quirky and sensitive and peculiar in the most lovable way imaginable. Lewis resisted being picked up (he was too busy and always in movement) but we would pick him up just to hear him protest . He would spew out these funny little noises that if translated would surely mean, " Let go of me you big oafs ! " We called him our Little Protester. We called him our BooBoo Boy. BooBoo. I called him My Funny Valentine.
I can't even begin to describe the hole his brutal absence has left in our lives ; the hole it has left in my heart. And I don't want to even try. It's all too raw right now. I can barely speak of Lewis in the past tense. It is surreal. He was four years old , beautiful, vibrant and loved like crazy. But those things did not guarantee that he would live into his old age. The decision to end Lewis' life was not mine to make. It was made by a force much greater than my great need to keep him here , close to me.
I have however, made the decision to keep him alive for a while longer here in cyberspace. I have a megabillion photographs of Lewis. I plan to "feature" him on the blog once in a while. I plan to tell a few more Lewis stories.Because his life was cut short. Because in this way he lives on in memory. Because he wasn't just "my Lewis". He was yours too.
Mitalee, " They are at it again. Ugh."
With eyes the colour of Tropical seas or the beautiful milkiness of jade.
Rest in Peace Lewis. You were loved before you came to us. You were loved after you came to us. You are loved now, and into all the days of our tomorrows.